Torture Induced Identity Disorder; causing more harm than good.
Ever since I was a child, I have heard the expression; "spare the rod and spoil the child." Teachers, parents, aunts, uncles, basically every adult that beat a child would justify their action of physically inflicting pain on children as a method of training and an expression of love. My parents on the other hand chose a much different approach. In my fairly long life I can remember being flogged by may father a total of three times and I cannot ever remember being compelled to serve corporal punishments. A lot of you reading this would be surprised, why? Because you were beaten like animals. Pardon the use of language, by no means do I think you are an animal, but truth be told, I view the "training" of a child by beating as barbaric.
Many of you who were unfortunate enough to be forced into being beaten develop a Jerkyll and Hyde personality, being one thing in the presence of your oppressors (parents, teachers) and another thing in the presence of your peers. I saw this happen first hand in secondary school and even now in the university. Many of my friends when in proximity to their parents have an entirely different personality from who they are on a normal day. While some may say it is respect for parents, I view it as Torture Induced Identity Disorder. TIID is a term I invented for the sake of this write up, (but let's just assume I'm smart and go with the flow.)
TIID is a condition where those that suffer from it have a completely different personality in the presence of those that have induced an unreasonable amount of fear in them through physical pain. It is severe when the victims are not conscious of the change in their personality and subconsciously switch between both.
Beating children or punishing them also inspires bullying. Like it or not, we are products of our experiences. A child who is forced to act in certain ways due to acts of violence will most likely view violence as a means to getting things from others, in other cases such a child may become timid and unable to properly express his or herself. Essentially, not sparing the rod rarely ever creates a balanced individual. It creates one of two extremes, either an aggressive child or a timid one, this characters grow into the dominant traits of such individuals.
The worst part of this training, is that some become victims of self blame and convince themselves that if their parents didn't train them that way "they wouldn't have turned out right." This without actually considering whether they did turn out right. Personally, I am against beating children as a corrective measure. It can be a punishment, but it must not be painted as an expression of love, and if you cannot change what happened to you, kindly do not do it to your kids, for their own sake.
If you believe children or individuals should be beaten however, feel free to share your views, say it with your chest, we won't beat you. Lol.
-Love,
The alpha.
Many of you who were unfortunate enough to be forced into being beaten develop a Jerkyll and Hyde personality, being one thing in the presence of your oppressors (parents, teachers) and another thing in the presence of your peers. I saw this happen first hand in secondary school and even now in the university. Many of my friends when in proximity to their parents have an entirely different personality from who they are on a normal day. While some may say it is respect for parents, I view it as Torture Induced Identity Disorder. TIID is a term I invented for the sake of this write up, (but let's just assume I'm smart and go with the flow.)
TIID is a condition where those that suffer from it have a completely different personality in the presence of those that have induced an unreasonable amount of fear in them through physical pain. It is severe when the victims are not conscious of the change in their personality and subconsciously switch between both.
Beating children or punishing them also inspires bullying. Like it or not, we are products of our experiences. A child who is forced to act in certain ways due to acts of violence will most likely view violence as a means to getting things from others, in other cases such a child may become timid and unable to properly express his or herself. Essentially, not sparing the rod rarely ever creates a balanced individual. It creates one of two extremes, either an aggressive child or a timid one, this characters grow into the dominant traits of such individuals.
The worst part of this training, is that some become victims of self blame and convince themselves that if their parents didn't train them that way "they wouldn't have turned out right." This without actually considering whether they did turn out right. Personally, I am against beating children as a corrective measure. It can be a punishment, but it must not be painted as an expression of love, and if you cannot change what happened to you, kindly do not do it to your kids, for their own sake.
If you believe children or individuals should be beaten however, feel free to share your views, say it with your chest, we won't beat you. Lol.
-Love,
The alpha.
Brilliantly written, well done Frizzy.
ReplyDeleteSwain.
To my point of view, corporal punishments are needed at times but should be minimal anyways. There are different kind of children, some needs hard hand, some needs soft hands, so to say! The point is different people has different way of raising their children, as such, corporal punishments can not be completely eradicated!
ReplyDeleteI subscribe to this opinion. I was never beaten by my father. The only place I was beaten like an animal was my first secondary school in Ekiti. I still fee the indirect repercussion of that barbaric act even as an undergraduate.
DeleteI totally agree with you! I had this same discussion with my sister about a week ago...
ReplyDeleteI was beaten a couple of times and all it ever did was make me angry, never for correction.
One time, I told my mum that beating me didn't do anything and she told me it's because I loved to harden my heart, but it worked for her other children.
I was like whhhhuuuuttttt???!!!!
Spot on! I think the effectiveness of corporal punishment in the training of a child is exaggerated. I recently told my Dad that my Mom's instructions and guidance sunk better despite the fact that she never beat me, not once.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk....TIID to me is like slavery life,you won't be able to express yourself when you are with your parents....I have never experienced been beaten by my parents but they do correct me whenever I am wrong and I respect them for that..There could be another way you can correct your children but not through beating them mercilessly cos it creates fear and less interaction between you and your children...Have your own discipline way but spare the rod.
ReplyDeleteI think beating should be minimal. Well said Frizzy.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you! Personally, I feel like beating is totally unnecessary. It makes the child more aggressive and it usually compels the child to commit the same offense rather than making the child change or making the child a "better person".
ReplyDeleteI'd say beating made me more timid than aggressive and I'd say at a point, i suffered from TIID, different person at home and an entirely different person in school.
There are other ways children can be corrected instead of beating them. If someone still thinks beating is necessary in this century, then that person doesn't deserve to have a phone, in fact, that person should have been born in our parents time.
I hope our generation becomes better parents to our children (unborn ones obviously) because we're better informed (or at least I think we're better informed lol)
Personally I feel like parents who still beat their kids at this stage do so not out of love but out of anger towards the child
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's normal for a child to get on one's nerves buh that doesn't mean beating that child is the solution
I see it as a form of bullying where the parents knows that the child has no power to hurt them in return... Leaving the child helpless
Most parents expect their kids to be "robots" not keeping in mind that no one is perfect
Any form of abuse towards a child is wrong... Emotional, physical, verbal is all wrong
I see parents comparing their kids to other, some even compare siblings... The sibling being compared might not say it out but in that child's heart, there would be a yearning.. Either for a better parent, which happens in most cases or to be treated right by their own parents
It's sad buh some kids would even consider running away from the house or even suicide
This is why some kids go through a lot - tape, bullying, being molested..mostly girls, and they have no one to talk to about it because they have no one to confide in and are scared of their own parents
Tbvh it's really sad because the relationship between parents and kids are supposed to be strong, that's what a family is all about buh parents tend to jeopardize that merely because of a mistake the child makes.
I heard something... "Strict parents always produce the worst kids" and in most cases all I see is truth
It just takes the grace of God Almighty
If you can't correct a child the proper way... Enlighten the child in a friendly manner, that child would want to do that think you hit him/ her for and would do it behind your back anyways
Then they lie to cover it up, and if caught red handed would be more careful so he/she won't get caught the next time
You find a child happier when his/ her parents are out
And anytime you tell a parent to take it easy on the child you get a " You don't tell me how to train my child" lecture 😒
I just hope child violence stops in this our country coz it's really bad.
Wonderful piece. I've never been beaten by my dad, but by my mum and the memory of it is so faint as I was really young when she decided to stop beating me.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion: Within the early formative years of a child's life, a little beating here and there will cause "no harm" (before age 5 and when it's never done out of anger or frustration), it's corrective. Beating a child or subjecting a child to corporal punishment might be extremely destructive in the later years as it hardens the child. Whatever a child learns before age 5 sticks with them for life in most cases, so basic values should be thought a child during those formative years when the child is still a living clay and can be moulded easily. Wisdom is profitable to direct.