God Questions I; What Happens When Satan Says Sorry?
Before you start this, you must know two things. The first is that this article is quite long. Unnaturally so, perhaps. The second is that you not getting my jokes— which are always pristine by the way, is as a result of your failings, and not mine. The third is that I don't really care if you're offended by my thoughts. And the fourth is that I'm not quite sure of how to count properly.
Saying it with your chest comes with some risks. Some people may decide that they don't actually like you, what you're saying, or the chest (brezz) you're saying it with. People like that may decide to cancel you, you know. Or delete and block you. Or do any of the thousand things that people do when they are confronted with the truth these days.
But the good news, oh sorry, the gospel is, none of these people are God. Only God can truly punish you— only God has the power and the presence of mind to cause irreversible damage to your life. Only God has the devastating presence of mind to punish you in all the most remarkably astounding ways. Only God can punish you on earth, and then punish you in hell after dying. That's why I believe that "God punish you" is the most horrible curse you can place on a person. Because if God punishes you, who you gonna call?
(ghosts busters! The crowd screams. God visits them with a plague).
So, I've been thinking of thoughts of celestial importance like this, and I've pondered for a while over one particular question that relates to this.
What happens if Satan asks God for forgiveness? If Satan asks God for forgiveness today, what would happen?
Either of two things, methinks. Either God forgives him because Yahweh is eternally merciful, or God doesn't. Now, if God doesn't, that means God isn't indeed eternally merciful. But if God does, that means that Hell won't exist anymore. If that happens, then it means that God's promise to sinners won't come to pass. Because, c'mon, let's face it. Hell without the devil lacks a certain sort of cosmic panache. Would you want to go to a Satan-less hell? I sure wouldn't. Having hell without Satan would be like Barca without Messi, or Endgame without Thanos, or Nigeria without corruption. You know, that sort of thing, proper yin and yang imbalance.
Moving on.
Basically, if Satan no longer exists in hell, there would be no reason for hell to exist. And if hell stops existing, that means God's promise of fire and eternal damnation to rapists and lawyers alike would disappear into thin air. And we all know that the words of God must come to pass. That's a very important point of this entire Abrahamic religion thing.
But as you must have guessed, this entire article, and its premise, is foolish. Why? Because the theology of Christianity takes care of this situation quite perfectly. God knows the end from the beginning. He knows that Satan, even if he wanted to, cannot ask for forgiveness. Why? Well, because God created Satan, you see. And when God created Satan, he specifically gave him a proud heart for this reason especially. He gave him a proud heart that can never ask for forgiveness. Can a Samsung play iMessage games? Can students of dramatic arts avoid acting like they have skon skon? No, they can't. It's simply not in Satan's DNA. This is something God made sure of from the very beginning.
In case you're confused, let me put it in simpler words. God can see the future, and God cannot envision a future where Satan asks for forgiveness. And a future that God cannot envision cannot happen.
(Does that mean God envisioned a future where your girlfriend has small breasts? Yes, dummy, he did. That is a result of painstaking and meticulous envisage).
Basically, God is like Alll Might. That's why we call him all mighty. Nothing can go against his will— nothing can disturb a future that he has seen. So yes, that means that your short penis, your negative value bank account, and your terrible luck with the female folk is all a part of God's plan. So enjoy it.
Or is it?
C'mon, man (and woman?), tell me. Say it with your chest.
Hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteElewa’s mixture of impeccable logic with natural humour is one of the best I’ve ever experienced in close proximity. I nodded and smiled throughout. Thank you for always reminding God that he is a dick. After all, God saw you doing this before you were born, and, unlike Satan, he created you with the capacity to ask for forgiveness, so nothing spoil—-as long as you do not get drunk one day, and while beating your remarkable pot belly, blashphame the holy spirit with your potty mouth.
ReplyDeleteElewa will definitely land in hell, with you sha
DeleteMy sister and I were talking this morning and we were like if we are suffering like this cos of sin,"can't satan just humble himself and ask God for forgiveness so we will all be fine".
ReplyDeleteBut just like you have said, humility is not in satan's DNA and it it definitely not part of the plan.
Nigeria without corruption 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. God punish you this eediot
ReplyDeleteOf course,humans will be immortal in flesh if Satan apologizes
ReplyDeleteWhich is impossible
Then about the babe with small breasts
Its not God
God placed some things in charge of those stuffs
E.g genetics, diet etc
Just like the way he placed some things in charge of living
E.g gravity,atmosphere etc
Another gospel is
God can never punish you
It's true, God never punishes anybody
DeleteSatan is too proud and he can never be humble.
ReplyDeleteHis proudness is part of Gods plan😂
Hmmm.. another perspective
ReplyDeleteOkay, I totally like this. The humor especially. From what you've said, seems like God designated the Devil to be the villain so he's just a poor guy who can't control his proud heart and has to dance to God's tune. But then, what do we know? We are just humans locked up in this cage of ignorance.
ReplyDeleteCool write up, tho I see quite a bit of disagreeable logic lol
ReplyDeleteSatan wasn't created by God tho, God made lucifer who became satan, tho we could say God knew he'd become satan and maybe he set it all up that way... But God is God, trying to explain his actions logically can lead elsewhere lol
DeleteA controversial article...
ReplyDeleteI believe we are in charge of our own destinies.. The lazy man who doesn't make it in life blames God; *"God's plan for me is different from what I have"*
The rich man says he got to where he is today because of his hard work, some might say it's all God's doing..
Okay so this conversation is intense and long and I'm going to find the best possible way to summarize what I think is the answer to it. It's agreed that Christianity has quite a number of un-answered questions , this is because man is limited at what he can receive or see so he only saw and or sees in bits and pieces , but I can patch those bits and pieces together and make something quite reasonable.
ReplyDeletePS: I don't have the answers to everything
Great piece💕💕
ReplyDeleteGod deliberately hardened the heart of pharoah to show his might in the bible. So yh you are correct. Perhaps satan is just structured to be a proud fool. Barca without Messi still thrashed Madrid 5-1.. Hell without Satan is still not a nice place to be.
Love this comment but quick question, are you a girl?😁 and if you are please say you are not a barca fan.
DeleteLol I'm Adeleke David, a boy and Manchester united fan till eternity 😂😂
DeleteY'all get a job
ReplyDeleteIt's actually more reason to think about the veracity of such religious claims.
ReplyDeleteWe understand that Satan has no chances of being forgiven but Man that came pretty much later could sin over and over again and it'd not be counted upon him for the Son's blood speaks for him.
Could this mean that God realised the mistake He made with Satan and decided to lower his standard a bit that Man may be saved?
Maybe He's not so perfect afterall!
God didn't lower his standard ,man never could never meet God's standard ,this is why God died! So instead of man to do all the work , he did worall thek. Plus God is perfect and never makes mistakes.
DeleteGod died??
DeleteYou see where I'm going?
DeleteHe could have done d same with Lucifer.
Someone said God created Lucifer but not Satan.. That sounds like the greatest joke of the century.
I could liken it to a "perfect" manufacturer who produced a product that turned out defective but decides to put the blame on the product.
What happened to taking it back to the factory and fixing it? Isn't what is good for goose(man) good for gander(lucifer)?
The more you look at it critically, d more reason to see that our minds have been tweaked for so long.
We're made to always actively think to favor whatever action He takes even if naturally we know deep down that it doesnt add up.
Do you guys believe these things you aying bout God or you just trying to play realists or you want to show off as bold or people who can speak their minds. I'm pretty sure you're not trying to comprehend my God with your small brains. I don't know if God will forgive the devil if he asks for forgiveness. But about him doing so, it's not bcos he can't but because he wont. The bible says that Lucifer was perfect. Dont confuse yourselves by thinking that the devil is the worst being since creation. The bible says that the devil was influenced by sin too so the devil didn't create sin. The devil had a choice, everyone has a choice. He chose his path and he's not returning not bcos God won't let him but bcos his sin wasnt lying but pride. Do you know what pride is? He thinks he's better than God and he wants to try to prove it. If the devil leaves hell, there's worse things there to make you do way my more than pee your pants, gnash your teeth or cry your brains out. The bible says, right now, there are some angels, fallen angels, locked up with chains in the bottomless pit and the devil is roaming. Whatever these fallen angels are, they have got to be way worse than the devil. The devil was only a victim of sin. A victim of his actions. Read the book of Revelations for more insight. Read the Bible for more insight. Don't come here and speak ignorantly or on hearsay. Also, yes! God died! John 1:1 . Jesus is the Word, the Word is God, Jesus is God. It's the mystery of the Trinity. All one yet with different ministrations. You're just a speck of the entire universe. David had to ask in his Psalms that who is man that you're mindful of him? Be grateful that he's not just mindful of him but he also loves you. I wonder why he loves us sooo much, why he loves me soo much. The devil may try to use logic to deceive you but what is logic but human thoughts. We've seen evidence of his greatness. You don't have to ask around for what he wants. He still speaks to men today. Ask and it shall be given unto you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be open to you. Matthew 7:7. Pls be careful what you say and who you say it to. Aren't we grateful that God isn't a man. Many of you here would have tried to kill everyone who speaks against you in the most gruesome way possible. Sigh...it is well. God is always faithful. I try not to take that for granted. Y'all should too. May God help us all.
DeleteThe question you should ask why Satan would say Sorry???
ReplyDeleteWithout darkness there would be no light
Without night there would be no day
Without evil there would be no good
So God deliberately made evil?
DeleteOkay so everything I typed before got deleted mistakenly , so I would not be able to expatiate as much as I did before because I'm tired and lazy.
ReplyDeleteUnlike man, Lucifer is irredeemable. you see man and angels were both given freewill yes, but are created quite differently, somehow man's spirit can be changed , regenerated , this is because man was made from the earth ,born of flesh, hence God could become that flesh , die as that flesh and give man new life in that process. But sadly the story is different for angels , they are not born of flesh , they are infact heavenly bodies thus whatever mistake Lucifer made had a more permanent effect as compared to man plus somewhere in the new testament states that God could die for man but he couldn't die for angels , before you ask me "why? Isn't he all powerful" ask yourself why did God have to become man to die for man , why not just snap a finger since he's God, But you see there sare laws and principles and God doesn't just break his laws because he is God , he's bound by his covenants.
So that answers that, nothing can be changed about Lucifer's condition. He's stuck wherever he is forever.
Honestly a lot of things are not even what we think it is , not half as many people are going to hell as we think, Lucifer fell because man fell and the tree of knowledge of good and evil was not an actual tree!!
And you know this from reading Da Vinci's code don't you?
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what a da Vinci code is
DeleteI'm saying this with my chest(although there are proofs)😂.
ReplyDeleteGod didn't create darkness
God has nothing to gain from playing games with his creations. I am pretty sure he gives them all choices. He gave Adam and Eve a choice.
God doesnt punish, he doesn't even get angry like we all say. H"is not a man that he should lie", neither get angry.
Due to the limitations of this medium, I can't explain further.
But for every Evil act that was written in the scriptures concerning God man was behind it..
One last thing, you sef reason am, why would God create hell fire, just to come as a man, die and go there on three days vacation, come back to live just to prevent us from going there.
GOD DIDNT CREATE HELL.
Yes. Yes
DeleteCan we take this conversation to the dm? I'm interested @david
DeleteFirst of all I love the shade on Dramatic Arts students �� and I'm just going to ignore the one on law students because helloooo we're God's assistants.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think if God does exist, we're all just pawns on his chessboard and he makes whatever moves will entertain him at whatever time. Does he know he'll checkmate at the end? Yes because like Kasparov he's a master. Will he dilly dally before finally checkmating? Yes because that's where the fun is. Will we ever understand why? No because if he gave us the ability to understand, we wouldn't let him play his games.
Oh yeah miss me with the "lucifer is irredeemable yarns" because God is supposed to be all powerful. If he wanted to redeem lucifer he would. But if he does, there's no game to play.
The...End.
God bless you 😁 ps which law student is this let us connect
DeleteThis is controversially from a determinist point of view. No surprise though.
ReplyDeleteThere's no what if....it has already been written and no word will not go unfulfilled.
ReplyDeleteThat ghost busters part caught me sha..😂.
ReplyDeleteBut honestly, I can't wait for the time the aliens running this simulation we call life gets fed up and deletes their work history..y thoughts though
For the most part, I agree with David. Many things are just consequences of our actions. But Good knows about it why did He not prevent it? Well He will have to tamper with your freewill and the ability He gave you to make choices. A comment here can do no justice to every needed explanation though. Good job Frizzy
ReplyDeleteOmo Atheists full these place lol
ReplyDeleteHello everyone. To answer this question, satan cannot ask for forgiveness because he's in no place to ask for it. Why do I say so? Now, Angels were made for a purpose and that's to minister... Hebrews 1:14 KJV
ReplyDeleteAre they not all ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation?
Angels were made to minister to man; the very man created in God's image. God's image is liken to His appearance, His likeness. Like beholding a mirror and seeing yourself. Hebrews 1:3 points out that Jesus Christ is God's image, likewise Colossians 1:15. This tells you however that Christ is God in man. So if you wanna know God's character, look at Jesus Christ. Acts 10:38 makes it clear He went about doing good... Only good. See God in that light too. He's a Good God.
What about the bad things that happens to people, doesn't He know about them? Shouldn't he stop them? These questions have been asked severally, let's check back on the beginning... Adam and Eve... Created to be conformed to God's image but they fell. They refused life, and sought a way to save themselves. They rejected the gospel, hence sin came into the world, and sin brought death(study Genesis 3, john 1 and Romans 5 thoroughly).
However, God knew about all this... He foreknew but God gave Man the power of Choice. Romans 8:29 KJV
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
He knew what would happen if man didn't choose Life(Christ) but still allowed man choose.
The consequences of Adam and Eve's actions are what we still suffer today. God didn't curse them, rather He told them what happened cos their actions. The earth is dying, tribulations about and death still roams seeking who to take. Satan means an opposition, He never wanted to serve man. He wanted it for himself but good thing our all-foreknowing God had a plan which Satan never knew of— Christ being slain to bring us back to the Father.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness of sins is for man... Not angels, not demons nor satan.
Perfect.
Deletelolllllllll, nice humor,will surely come back for more laughs
ReplyDeleteIf Satan were to apologise to God and seek forgiveness from him and somehow his beef with God ends, my thought is that, well, hell would still exist. Only then would we realise maybe Satan is not the world's problem. As you've mentioned, God knows the end from the beginning so he certainly foresaw everything. Sometimes, I think to myself; while Satan was tempting Eve, why didn't God come to her aid? He waited till they are both ate the apple and then came looking for them. Truth is this whole thing called life is messed up, no one can truly decipher it
ReplyDeleteLol..where do you guys get your theology from? Do you guys even research at all? If you are going to critic Christian Theology, for Christ's sake at least know what it is. You make a caricature of an idea and then attack it. Really guys, you need to improve your efforts.
ReplyDeleteP.S
If you would like to know what we actually believe as Christians and why it is perfectly reasonable, then please reach me on 09023712581. I am dying to enlighten you.
P.P.S
You did not include jokes this time. Why?