SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST

Hello, Hypocrite. Or better still, Hello, Nigerian Hypocrite. How do you do? You may be wondering why “ Nigerian hypocrite”. Trust me, it has nothing to do with your nationality. The thing is hypocrisy in Nigeria is different from hypocrisy in other nations.  The same way condoms come in flavors (which I think is an absolutely ridiculous concept because why does your penile organ need to taste like apples and pineapples? Who's eating it?), is the same way Nigeria has her own flavor/brand of hypocrisy.  Simply put, Nigerian hypocrisy is itself a hypocrite. It has many faces. Now according to the Sweet,SixteenAndSexy Dictionary (4 th edition) , a hypocrite is “someone whose actions are inconsistent with their claimed beliefs or assertions”. Having, gotten explanations and definitions out of the way, I put it to you that YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. Think I’m lying? Let me show you. Imagine you have an uncle or aunty who works at the Federal Ministry of Education. After t...

“ Be hind every great fortune there is a great crime” – Balzac Before starting this article it should be noted that I disdain two things in the life on the online : fraud and Indian Clients   I do not have any association with yahoo boys of any sort other than the unfortunate fact that I know some because of the less than fortunate fact that I am Nigerian.  My hands are clean of any fraud— for lack of trying. My conversational skills are so poor I genuinely believe I would end up getting scammed by supposed “clientz”. So why write this? Well because I also similarly disdain hypocrisy of any sort and find that a hidden thief has no moral right to castigate a caught one. But alas, I am going ahead of myself. First, let me start in the beginning beningin.  Even if you have been living under a rock or Abeokuta, surely you must have heard of the Hushpuppi saga or Dapo Abiodun must have performed a scarily wondrous miracle indeed.  ...

Disclaimer I;  I'm a virgin. This may be embarrassing for some people, but unlike those people, I'm actually going to heaven. So, who's the winner? Me, of course. Not only am I virgin, but I have absolutely zero interest in sex. I would rather actually take a nap than entangle genitals with a woman. Boobs? I hate them with a passion. When I see them, I instantaneously vomit. If you think I'm lying, send a picture of your boobs to me and see if I won't vomit. C'mon, you can try me. But why am I saying all this? So that you can understand that I have absolutely no bias. I'm not for sex— in fact, the existence of the very act irks my poor soul. Therefore, you cannot accuse me of being mischievous with this article. Now that you're done reading the disclaimer (which you should take very seriously by the way), you can continue with the article. I'm so often mindless, but when I think, I try as much as I can to exhaust the abilities of my m...

          Today is a special occasion, and this right here is a special undertaking to commemorate it. This write up is pretty short and straight to the point. I'll be giving you a brief exposition on the concept of democracy, and why it'd be pretty sad for you to remain a member of the populace that adore s it.            Democracy is probably the most elaborate, manipulative, and esoteric concept ever birthed since religion. The government of the people, by the people, and for the people is a highly utopian mantra that might've seemed remotely attainable at its inception. The less appealing reality must've kicked in as spontaneously as the administrative El Dorado of democracy itself.           Over the course of history, democracy has been a refined plutocracy, with government policies usually tilted towards the interests of the ruling cabal, much similar to the much criticized aristocracy. The founders o...

This originally should not be a lengthy article. In fact, there should not be an article at all due to certain considerations, but well, here we are. Know this before you continue, I do not expect to echo your feelings, as a matter of fact, I would likely offend them and I do not care. I would not try to be politically correct, it’s such a puerile use of commonsense. However, in the event that you feel the need to express displeasure among such other things you may want to express, the comment section is rent-free. Knock yourself out. The fight for justice in matters of rape and sexual violence has been a long overdue struggle.  This menace has slugged on for so long it has festered and created a rot in the very pillars holding our society upright, that is chiefly, culture, education and religion. Thus, our already dysfunctional society which only recognizes crimes as crimes only when they directly affect us, which is why when they say Senator Lagbaja embezzles $20B, it is corru...

However, importing of foreign laws would be as ineffectual as trying extinguish dragon fire by singing to it. Let me remind you, a system is only as effective as the personnel administering it. While these would have been the case in a purely Islamic state, it is no news that there are no existing  Islamic state anywhere in the world. Do we have Muslim-run states? Yeah. Are they Islamic states run by pure Islamic legal cannons? Nope. Anybody who says otherwise is either an ignorant fool or a compulsive liar in need of comprehensive mental health rehabilitation.  When we discuss meting out the most commensurate punishments to perps of these dastardly acts, we need to open up to reality and see to how our Justice system can be strengthened and priorities are set right. We need to enact stricter laws, our law enforcement apparatus be redesigned to fight crimes and not aid it. We also need to shift concentration to responsible parenting, proactive sex education, re-assessment...

"Religion is the slavery of the mind." Trust me, I can see your faces. I can see the irritation on some, pity on others and confusion on most but the best expression I can see is the pride laced with cockiness on my face. I won't lie, I enjoyed every moment of writing this. You may not understand because it was beyond you. But it is what it is, I suppose. Before I continue, I would have you know that there are 3 classes of people reading this post; The hypocrites who will find issues with this post cus it’s not in line with their mentality. The ignorant fools under the guise of atheism. The cruisers who are just here to see what table is shaking. But one thing is for sure, even though we both know you can’t academically, you surely would make the first class here cus you're the only ones I'm coming for today. I would tell the atheists to stay tuned for the next post, but something tells me they won't believe that too. So let's start with my believers. ...

I am hurt. I am grieving. Most of all, I’m scared. Who is it going to be next? Me? You? My sister? Your sister? I’m writing this with bitter urgency. I need to get this weight off my chest. Sometime ago, the Minister for Women Affairs, Dame Pauline Tallen revealed that we have over 2million rape cases occurring every year in Nigeria.  Perhaps that doesn’t slap hard until you realize that mathematically, that results in about 5,480 cases every day. EVERY DAY. Only a few – maybe 2% of this number – are reported and only fewer still make it to public limelight. Simply put, rape is any non-consensual sexual penetration.  When it boils down to the actual causes of this dastardly act, it is very easy to just point accusing fingers at the opposite sex as being the cause of rape. From late-night visitations, excessive flirtation, skimpy dresses and staying out late, some menfolk have claimed that women, by exhibiting these attributes, are the cause of their own rape....