On Aunt Toms and moral hypocrisy : A study of Nigerians and Hushpuppi

“Behind every great fortune there is a great crime” – Balzac

Before starting this article it should be noted that I disdain two things in the life on the online : fraud and Indian Clients 

 I do not have any association with yahoo boys of any sort other than the unfortunate fact that I know some because of the less than fortunate fact that I am Nigerian. 

My hands are clean of any fraud— for lack of trying. My conversational skills are so poor I genuinely believe I would end up getting scammed by supposed “clientz”.

So why write this? Well because I also similarly disdain hypocrisy of any sort and find that a hidden thief has no moral right to castigate a caught one. But alas, I am going ahead of myself.

First, let me start in the beginning beningin. 

Even if you have been living under a rock or Abeokuta, surely you must have heard of the Hushpuppi saga or Dapo Abiodun must have performed a scarily wondrous miracle indeed.

 But in case you have been miraculously without social media, phones, radio, TV, newspapers, blogs and that rubbish they call linda Ikeji, divination tea, bird entrails, the lot (in which case how are you reading this? I suspect either telepathically or more realistically the human race is dead and you’re an alien stuck with the unenviable task of sifting through the multitude of blogposts ever created, (in which I do not envy you my friend and quick tip : those last three are not truly means of communications. You’re welcome, remember me kindly) as a project thesis) or you have been stuck in a primitive wasteland of some sorts (I’m not looking at you Ilorin), like Ilorin (okay maybe I am looking at you. Don’t hate me. It’s just facts), let me quickly recap for you.

Hushpuppi, is or more accurately, was a famous celebrity and influencer (you know what a celebrity is right? Oh wait alien inter rel student, you probably don’t) who was notoriously famous for being flamboyant with wealth. He showed off his flashy cars (a cart on four wheels with tires. Some deemed more socially acceptable than others), his flashy wrist watches (an etched piece of metal with three moving pieces in serial order of decreasing speed), his expensive hotel rooms (a building to stay in when away from the building you stayed in when away from the building you worked in) and other flashy Gucci, Fendi and other designer accessories (look alien I can’t help you on this. Me sef no understand am). 

 Hushpuppi’s flamboyant wealth flaunting on Instagram ( how to explain instagram? )  drew harsh criticisms, especially on twitter ( another one) while news of his exploits always invariably found its way to facebook ( yet another one. ).

Anyways his source of wealth was later found to be slightly not as clean as he claims, to put it mildly. To put it unmildly, he was exposed as a scammer (DJ Khaled is wilding out here),  arrested by Interpol (we the best!) and extradited (MUSIC). His downfall was celebrated by many WhatsApp statuses, snap chat posts and it even reached telegram. He was for a short while even more reviled than Trump and Buhari on the online. 

(Look I don’t think I can explain all these concepts to you, alien dude or dudess so don’t blame me. Blame yourself for choosing earth and a lifeform as retarded as humans. Why on earth would you choose earth? ( retarded is a form of lower intelligence. Intelligence is defined simply as being smart. Smart is—. No,  simple is—. Damn it!) )

(Wow I use a lot of brackets don’t I? And I scratch my head a lot. Does that make me…... Yori yori? ) 

Anywayzzz, back to the subject matter, Hushpuppi was arrested and dragged to the delight of 10,000 IQ Nigerian intellectuals everywhere. Simple enough. 

And if you’re in Ilorin I’m not going to bother on us. Just assume he was an errant camel or something. 

You might think this post is about Hushpuppi’s position and defense for him or something. I actually don’t care about that. 

No I’m more interested on these 10,000 IQ intellectuals and their dragging of Hushpuppi. There is something about said dragging that rubs off the wrong way. 

Reading through the comments of said folks, one finds in them an argument that almost invariably goes like this 

“Hushpuppi crimes are a stain on Nigeria’s legacy. Hush puppi is a disgrace to the black race. Hushpuppi is damaging our international reputation.” And other arguments like this. That’s just the way they go.

Which shows the outrage is all eye service. 

The called scorn most "intellectual" folks have against Hushpuppi is simply that of nationality and race. If he were say, Italian or Colombian or had the gold fortune of being born with a lighter hue in a continent whose name doesn’t start with Africa. Wait. Doesn’t start with A. Wait. Doesn’t start with “Af”, it is 90% certain there would be no rage. In fact, it is very likely these outburst of condemnation would have turned to praise. 

It is an easily observable truth that criminals in western climes are treated with far more respect and admiration than rogues who are tinwa tinwa. That’s why you will see people defending Hitler but condemning Abacha. That’s why you hate Oyenusi but stan Bonny and Clyde. That’s why you will see people hate and condemn Nigerian bank robbers but still be singing “Bella ciao” like a K Drama arindin 

This is the annoying truth. We tend to glorify and forgive crimes perpetrated by Europeans and treat the crimes of our local compatriots with more considerable harshness. Even when theirs are less outrageous. 

The quote “Behind every great fortune is a great crime” was the first sentence in the Godfather by Mario Puzo. 

And no, it’s not an autobiography of  Tinubu. Come off it. It’s a great story about the Italian mafia and their wahala.

This book is regarded as a gem even amongst intellectuals. Even though Don Corleone was essentially a yahoo boy with accent. Some might say he was even worse. Yet many highly regard it. You’d see people talking admiringly about the Italian mafia, about Escobar and how he “was so organized” while scorning our local crime cartels here. They rate Jamie but hate Jamiu. 

Simply because we view white crime as "fresher".

The truth is that the scorn against Hushipuppi isn’t born out of true moral outrage but racial inferiority.

You don’t hate Hush puppi because he is a yahoo boy per se, but because he is a yahoo boy unfortunate enough to be Nigerian.

If you think I’m wrong, ask yourself this simple question : if Hush puppi were white, would you hate him as much? If the answer is no, the my friend, you are an Uncle Tom 

I think that’s all my chest has to say. Thank you for reading it to the end. I mean you. Yes you, alien inter rel student. Hopefully you have learnt something. But let’s be honest, you probably haven’t. Sha cram this, write your thesis  and get your degree. 

Bye