On Sex I; Please, For The Love Of God, Fuck.

Disclaimer I;

 I'm a virgin.

This may be embarrassing for some people, but unlike those people, I'm actually going to heaven. So, who's the winner? Me, of course.

Not only am I virgin, but I have absolutely zero interest in sex. I would rather actually take a nap than entangle genitals with a woman. Boobs? I hate them with a passion.

When I see them, I instantaneously vomit.
If you think I'm lying, send a picture of your boobs to me and see if I won't vomit. C'mon, you can try me.

But why am I saying all this? So that you can understand that I have absolutely no bias. I'm not for sex— in fact, the existence of the very act irks my poor soul. Therefore, you cannot accuse me of being mischievous with this article.

Now that you're done reading the disclaimer (which you should take very seriously by the way), you can continue with the article.

I'm so often mindless, but when I think, I try as much as I can to exhaust the abilities of my mind. For sometime I've wondered at the stupidity of staying a virgin till the wedding night, and I can gladly confirm that it's just as stupid as choosing to study English language.

(No, I'm not an English student, but they all look exceedingly daft to me, so excuse my French?)

If you don't have sex with the person you plan on marrying before actually marrying them, you may actually be a single brain celled individual.

 I've never been married, but I know two things;

a) sex is an huge part of marriage and

 b) it's possible for two individuals to be sexually incompatible.

 Marrying someone without knowing whether you're sexually compatible with them is a decision that only brain dead individuals make. It's little wonder that most of them end up being medical students in their own marriage— long suffering drones. It's also little wonder that "Daddy" often gets service on the side.
I mean, if I were not content with the size of my wife's boobs, I definitely would try fucking another person (yes, person. I'm not transphobic) with desirable breasts.

(But since I hate boobs, this is just a very abstract analogy).

I'm honestly tired of it. If you tell me that you want to remain a virgin till your wedding night, I immediately assume that you're not worthy of my time. Or you're too blinded by your fear of hell to employ your brain in the job for which it was made; thinking.

How can you keep off such an important thing until after the fact? It's the equivalent of measuring a person after sewing their clothes. Even if it's a sin, it's one that you should commit. God forgave killers, he'll forgive a rawdog69. I mean, he probably won't watch you deep throat the 4 inches dick of your boyfriend, and he probably won't watch you raise your girlfriend's stomach to insert your weird looking penis. Why? It's fucking disgusting. All sex is rubbish.

However, don't be an idiot. A marriage decision is arguably the most important one you'll ever make. Don't marry someone you've not slept with.

Many of my wayward friends have told me of how, after having sex with a person, they discovered that they would actually study law before continuing the relationship. Do you want to come to that realisation on the morning after your wedding?

 I mean— would you put off knowing your partner's salary until after marriage? Would you put off knowing where they live until after marriage? Would you put off knowing their parents? Why would you then put off knowing their penis size?

 (please don't have sex with these boys if you don't plan on marrying them, they just want to cum and go. I'm not saying you should be a whore— even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one).

But I understand that some of you are clever cookies with a lot of clever things to say. One of those seemingly clever things may be something like this;

 "Sex is a bond"

Okay now, you that you're a virgin and nobody has bonded with your life, what have you achieved with your unused destiny? I mean, look at you. You're struggling to maintain a 2:2. I think maybe it's time to accept the fact that your destiny is just not that great. Maybe if you sleep with someone with a better destiny, you'll upgrade.

 How you people believe this hogwash at your big age is incredible. IF sex is a bond, why is it not directly manifesting in our lives? Why does someone's success not depend on how many people they've not slept with? Why is it throughly Irrelevant to success levels?

 Tah! Bond koh, James bond nii. If sex is such a bond, where are all the women that Jeff Bezos slept with? Okay, if you say wealth isn't necessarily a measure of success, where are the women that Einstein slept with? Who knows them? Why did his genius not rob off on them through their clits? Stupid, stupid and more FUCKING stupid (ha, funny!).

But I understand that some of you are clever cookies with a lot of clever things to say. One of those seemingly clever things may be something like this;

"Oh, okay, once I'm sure of marriage with someone I should have sex with them"

Ah, God. You're an extremely insensible person and my efforts are most likely wasted on you.

 Okay, let me paint a scenario for your 5-year old mind to understand. You've dated someone for 2 years, and they finally ask you to marry them. You say yes. But you've never had sex with them, and you don't want to leap blindly into marriage. So you decide to have the sex. The first time, you hated it. Maybe first times are always somehow, so you fuck them again, and hated it with more vigour. What would you do? Call off the marriage?

Of course you won't. Five year olds are ALWAYS scared to make tough decisions. The worst has happened. You discovered that you thoroughly dislike having sex with this person, but you guys have already picked a date. You can't call off the marriage now, can you? What will you tell your pastor? What will your mummy say? Your daddy? Your friends? There's nothing for you to do, so you marry the person, even though you know your life will be miserable.

Tell me, oh virgin Mary of Maintenance, what have you achieved? What's the difference? You've already committed to the jump. Why are you making sure after you've already committed to it? Is it that you don't think these things through, or you're just willfully unreasonable? Once you're of marriageable age, ALL your romantic relationships SHOULD have a sexual aspect. Don't be foolish. Look, you shouldn't even allow yourself consider marriage with someone unless you're 100% certain that you enjoy having sex with them. You shouldn't even let the relationship walk too far like mechanical engineering students going to wherever they're going too.

 (Or better still don't marry. Or have sex. Just like me).