The Parent-Ward Power Dynamic

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I was disowned two weeks ago.
Was that a shock? Lol.
It was for 'raising my hand to my mom'.
Chill... Wait till you hear the rest.

It was a good day. Better than most... One of the few times in my house where I was in the mood to interact and actually be in my family. It was all peachy until I... Until I burnt yam. In this lock down.
See mom doesn't eat yam often and neither does my sister... I'm the one who likes yam and it was my turn to cook.
In high spirits I got carried away playing family that I didn't smell the disaster until it was too late to hide. Mom hates burnt food, even more so when it wasn't burnt by her... So she flat out refused to eat and was in a foul mood no excuse or explanation could appease. At some point I got tired of apologizing, courtesy be damned.
Shit hit the fan when I came out of my room to drop my empty plate... Ah fuck. Another thing mom hates, me eating in my room.
She was so pissed, she was yelling at my sister and she threatened to hit me, standing in my way, and in the fear that she mistook for arrogance, I said 'Please Mom, let me drop my plate first.' Bad move. All hell broke loose.
The 'Omorogùn' got some action that day. I was hit everywhere, especially on my stone hard head and arms that went up to guard my face. But the different thing this time was, I would not shut up. It made no sense to me, I couldn't understand enough to even process the pain, I was still stuck on one thought: 'She's beating me like this for burning yam?! At my age?! TF?!' I kept shouting her down and I'm pretty sure our neighbours could hear because when I'm pissed, I have a voice like thunder. And it shocked her. Now she was MAD AS HELL. So now I was getting dragged by the shirt I wore, almost thrown out of my home half naked with screams of 'You're not my daughter!' because somehow, in the entire pandemonium I'd somehow reflexively twisted the stick from her grip to protect myself and hurt her wrist in the process.
That's the story.
Oh we're cool now. I got shunned for a week in a process that went like this.
Day 1- The fight
Day 2- I apologized
Day 3- We avoided eachother
Day 4- She sent me a link on Whatsapp
Day 5- She actually spoke to me like I existed
Day 6- She made me have dinner together
Day 7- We watched TV after dinner
Day 8- We bonded over taking her braids out
Day 9- It was almost normal
Day 10 till date- We're back baby.

But not after the tears and stress and anger and wondering if we could get back from all that was said and done. Apparently we could and we'll talk about it soon. Because she's my mother, I love her and I can't ship her off to Nebraska.
Plus I had the extra lesson of how far giving people space and time to heal while respecting them, can fix a lot. I've forgiven her. I think I'm forgiven too... Until she gets mad again and I learn to shut TF up, because we all know parenting is a mini-dictatorship.

Comments

  1. Kel-ishApril 30, 2020 at 5:08 AM

    It's not mini, it's the definition of dictatorship, lol, this legit happened a few days ago, my mum licked me out if the kitchen, lmao, if there is one thing we both have in common, it's pride and it was riding us both. So ermm, that ship to Nebraska, since your mum ain't going, I won't mind mine, lol, just catching cruise (pun intended), don't mind me. Btw, I live this blog

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joie!!April 30, 2020 at 5:15 AM

    Oh my God!!!���� I can't stop laughing!!! Parents can be so extra sometimes...plus it gets to them so much now that we feel we are all grown up now and can finally speak up. Then the next thing you hear is "You're not the first person to start becoming an adult, we all passed through that stage" or "You went to university, you feel you have arrived".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ElemohApril 30, 2020 at 6:09 AM

      Ehnnn

      Delete
    2. YuslawApril 30, 2020 at 6:58 AM

      😂😂😂 trust me, if you arrive at anything, na Insult you land!

      Delete
  3. UnknownApril 30, 2020 at 5:28 AM

    It's like they all got their military training from the same camp. I'm really quiet at home but my human right activism is always giving me aabig mouth coupled with a loud voice. Right now I've been housemate-zoned for spewing out my mind, I'm no more momma's only daughter till further notice. It's as though I came home to be a slave, not even a housemaid! They are all guys here and they feed like hungry lions, so I have to practice cooking as a career like 24/7, unfortunately I don't eat much. So you know, they eat food (not junks) at least twice before 12 noon when most often I've not even had breakfast. I just can't wait for miss Rona to leave our world so I can breathe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HollickApril 30, 2020 at 6:09 AM

    Lmao. There was a time I almost got sent out of the house because I wouldn't stop going to visit the only friend I had in my area. A female. Just one friend oh. I didn't have friends who growing up and you're not bothered as parents? Just when I finally found one, they went all John Cena on me. But I didn't stop sha. Lol. They know their place now sha. Cos personally, I have a history with challenging authority and records of success to back it��

    ReplyDelete
  5. KendallApril 30, 2020 at 6:15 AM

    the funny thing happens when you talk back to them...lol...they are like med o.. o tin leran lara, o fe ma fo abi..parents sha...we hate and love them but love overrules laslas...

    ReplyDelete
  6. YuslawApril 30, 2020 at 6:56 AM

    The thought that many of us did undergo this similar African 'mini-dictatorship' scheme while growing has been one of the few adaptive factors that sharpens our OT about life and all😅😅 Though, some of us with rebellious traits that did put up resistance which white people would have easily tagged as 'liberation','maturity ', or 'standing up for one's self'' got nothing than memorial gifts such as 'marks' and ' swollen parts' on our body😂😂
    Yes, we've said a lot with our
    chests and we did not die...but trust me, so did we dinner with Death cousins with our chests

    Low-key, Parenting na the testing lab for dictatorship true true 😂😂

    ReplyDelete
  7. Josie The Elewa.April 30, 2020 at 8:00 AM

    How do you know you can't ship her off to Nebraska? I know a guy, you could get a pretty decent deal.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The AyomideApril 30, 2020 at 8:33 AM

    Parenting in Africa is not a mini dictatorship at all oooooooo. Sometimes my parents do stuff and I start to ask myself if that's how I'd be with my children when I eventually have children but I know parenting at that time would be different lol.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The AlphaApril 30, 2020 at 12:12 PM

    Personally I will never understand why things are that way, particularly after we turn 18. I mean we're adults now. Rate us!

    ReplyDelete
  10. MoidanteApril 30, 2020 at 1:12 PM

    Yikes.
    You people have very weird parents sha.

    Don't talk back? Act contrite?
    That's not how they born me abeg
    Dey beat me for what??

    All she'd do if it comes to the worst is guilt trip me bout how much pain I caused her cause they gave birth to me via Ceasarian.

    I dey catch slaps once in a while sha

    ReplyDelete
  11. MojeedApril 30, 2020 at 1:16 PM

    I always have a session of misunderstanding everyday with Mom when it's time to sweep in the morning.
    I know it to be my daily routine work but for her to yell at me with "Mojeed! Wa gba'le yi oh, ok gba Kitchen naa"
    Damn...
    I know this thing to be my work already.
    Why do I need to go through the daily announcement.
    The fight comes up when I actually refuse to sweep the kitchen. She'll complain and shout.
    I will not even reply.

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownApril 30, 2020 at 1:32 PM

    I can relate so much. Except I don't apologize when I wasn't wrong. 😂😂😂

    ReplyDelete

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